A Very Hard Thing

I had a really good thought today. This afternoon, I was in that dangerous place of succumbing to what I believe Joy the Baker calls the Sunday Afternoon Blues-that spot of feeling down because the weekend is ending, the work week is looming, and there’s just so much to do that another TV marathon seems the only option. So I pulled out my pumpkin coffeecake recipe and got to work. I pulled out my coconut oil, my rice flour, my local honey. I put my coffee grinder to good use-ground flax seeds mixed with warm water make a wonderful egg substitute. In the middle of melting oil and mixing dry ingredients, I realized that I was doing it. I was doing A Very Hard Thing without even thinking about it.

Let me back up a little.

Back in July, my results for food allergy testing came in, and I was diagnosed with dairy, egg, and wheat allergies, as well as bananas and pineapples. For this girl who loves food, who heartily believes baking is a perfect joy in this world, the news was heart-wrenching. While nice to finally have an answer to some health issues I’ve had, this sort of answer wsasn’t exactly welcomed. It came over me in stages what having such allergies meant, and I found myself saying goodbye to favorite foods: butter, milk, omelets, baked goods, Nutella, cheese, sour cream, cream cheese, alfredo sauce, half and half, etc. I went through a kind of mourning, actually. But I mustered up the courage to research what to eat, new meals, new ways of eating, and working at making these new foods delicious.

Back to the present.

This afternoon, I was going about my daily life and indulging in one of my all-time favorite things: baking. I didn’t stop to think about what I’d lost in not being able to use “real” flour, “real” butter. It felt so good to realize that this new way of doing things, of doing life, is my new normal. It feels normal and easy to reach for once-foreign ingredients like coconut oil and rice flour. It’s such a sigh of relief to be satisfied with how these new ingredients taste. My very taste buds have changed. This feels really good. Four months ago, baking with these ingredients would have been daunting, even emotional. But today, this Once Very Hard Thing turned out to not be so hard after all.

Apparently, it can take the body months to heal from years of food allergies. I can’t say that all the changes have made life perfect or my body completely happy. But today’s realization was a major triumph and a huge step in the right direction. In seeing that one of my favorite things can still be enjoyed, just in a different way, and with a lot more coconut oil.