The Joy of Not Being Surprised

"I don’t know, Nick! I’m not…Wonder Woman.”

-Bernard, Blackbooks

A cheerful heart is good medicine,

    but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

-Proverbs 17:22

I have a new tool in my Life Toolbox. It’s amazing. I’m not even sure where it came from, but it’s changing the way I see myself, my days, and my circumstances. 

You see, with fibromyalgia (or whatever THIS is), most mornings involve not moving for a while because of mysterious aches and pains. So I have some time to stare at the ceiling while it seems the REST OF THE WORLD goes on with its business. As you may imagine, my thoughts and ponderings in this time can get a bit WEIGHTY. A bit HEAVY. 

It’s pretty much proven that what we think affects us physically, although I cheerfully have no sources to cite for you (this isn’t college! This isn’t even in MLA format). The books and blogs and research I’ve read on chronic pain all deal with changing how we think, in addition to medication, exercise, healthy diet, finding the right doctors, reducing stress, etc. While we may not be able to have much control over our pain, we do get to choose how we think about it. There are some days I’m able to accept my pain and move on; there are other days where it’s all I can think about because it’s so DANG PRESENT. 

Ah yes, the TOOL. 

Here it is: 

This is not unexpected. 

Here we go AGAIN, Summer Flowers.
I will try not to kill you as quickly as previous summers,
but IT WILL NOT BE UNEXPECTED.

Now I realize that this phrase is subtle and quiet in demeanor, making it easy to overlook or dismiss, or maybe it sounds more like a bad line in an action movie when the good guy pops out of nowhere after the bad guy ordered his henchmen to “take care of him.” But! I’ve noticed that when I think this in the morning instead of the usual “Oh my gosh…this is so hard…I can’t move…why me… when will this end…what did I do yesterday to make this happen…when will this end?”, it makes a huge difference. You see, while it still doesn’t give me any false delusions of control (over chronic pain?! bwhahaha), it gives me some much needed perspective. You would think that struggling with chronic pain for years would help me in accepting my usual morning fate, but NOT REALLY. Deep down, I know I’m the Wonder Woman of the Greater Belllingham Area. However, not being surprised by my morning pain gives me a chance to still move forward. Thinking This is not unexpected stops the Splash Mountain plunge of self-crushing thoughts. It gives me the freedom to plan the next step in the day. I get to think “Oh! Right! I’ve done this before. I can do it again today.” I move on to think what I can do when I can get up. 

Ironically, another thing this tool does is give me permission to not expect a horrible morning, either. There is a very fine balance with chronic pain: you don’t want to be surprised by it, but you don’t want to make it worse by assuming it will be terrible. Because, as we know, thinking negatively makes pain worse. It makes everything worse, really. This tool of not being surprised by the difficult things helps me to be realistic, as opposed to needing to be rigidly optimistic all the time OR needing to be pessimistic to acknowledge the pain itself. There’s no need to have a stiff upper lip when you know your limitations and can work around them, just like there’s no need to give in to your limitations all the time. 

See how brilliant this is? I am so excited about this, I can’t EVEN. 

My jolly balcony, wherein I survey my domain.
But mostly read and drink iced drinks.

Because this tool can applied to other areas of life, too! Let’s take, oh, PEOPLE. People, all of them, bless their hearts, are going to let us down. They can’t help it. None of us can. And when we’re not as easily surprised by this, it makes it so much easier. When we can identify foibles and quirks and tendencies, we are free to let others off the hook. We are free to offer grace, mercy. We are free to have a hospitable heart and mind towards others. Thinking this is not unexpected can stem some of the inevitable annoyances and frustrations that comes with being a human with other humans. I am sure you are beginning to see the sheer GENIUS of this humble sentence. 

It also helps with needing to cancel or reschedule plans, as is always the case with chronic pain. It’s not unexpected to need to take a few days off from activities after a busy weekend. Having THE TOOL handy helps me not go insane when I look around the house at my waiting chores: a pile of laundry waiting to be folded, a sink full of dirty dishes, or realizing that because I haven’t wiped up the hair on the bathroom floor in 2.345 hours, it’s taken over that whole side of the house. I’m not a terrible person for not having my house look like something out of an HGTV show, because it’s not unexpected (regardless of if I have chronic pain or not!). Naming and recognizing my individual limitations helps me extend grace to myself, which is hard for this recovering perfectionist. 

Although I balk at the Words on Walls Trend,
I couldn't help myself with this one. 

When we can say This is not unexpected, we can even allow room for God to come through for us. The Apostle Peter says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exult you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:6-7).” Peter is not joking when he links casting our anxieties to humbling ourselves—he knows exactly what he’s saying here. It’s a real blow to our pride to admit, let alone embrace, that we can’t handle our anxieties and cares and worries alone. I’m realizing that it’s taking my whole dang life to keep giving my worries to Him. But because He cares for me, I can. The Creator of the universe, of the heavens and the earth and everything in them, cares for me! And nothing in my life is unexpected to Him—He is not surprised when I take back my worries, when I can’t move in the mornings, when troubles hit me upside the head. Even though I can’t explain why He allows pain in our lives, I know He is present in the very middle of it. And I have found that He is indeed enough, time and time again.

And so I hope this little phrase can be of some use to you, too. When pain hits you, when trouble mounts, when things are not going how you want them. It also helps in the little things. You know, when my flowers start to wilt 2 days after planting or I get an unexpected bill in the mail. Or when I open the fridge to look for some produce to supplement my carb-based, fat-based diet and it is no longer viable as a edible option. Not that THAT has ever happened, I mean. 

What are some tools in your Life Toolbox? What helps you get to the Next Thing in your day? I’d love to hear about them!

Anthony Hopkins, Scary Movies, and Exorcising Our Lies

The Christian faith is the most exciting drama that ever staggered the imagination of man—and the dogma is the drama.

Dorothy Sayers, Letters to a Diminished Church

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

Jesus, John 8:36

True confession time. 

I love movies. 

And I really love scary movies.* 

Our lovingly built movie-enthusiast collection.

Give me Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho or Rear Window any time over any chick flick. I prefer Tremors over Twilight, Woman in Black over What Women Want, Shaun of the Dead over Steel Magnolias. In my brain, this is all obvious, but I’ve learned that, alas, this is not the case for everyone else. I’ve accidentally traumatized friends with my choices of what I thought was hilariously scary, and I’ve had the old eyebrow raised in my general direction many times over my latest scary movie find. I can only attribute my eclectic taste to family movie nights consisting of Star Wars and Indiana Jones (with eyes ALWAYS closed during the scene where the lid is lifted off the Ark of the Covenant—I don’t think I saw the whole thing till I was in my 20s, for reals) and movie nights as a teenager with my mom watching Hitchcock films and Wait Until Dark. I also fell in love with books like Jane Eyre and The Hound of the Baskervilles where the atmosphere is just as much as a character as Rochester or Watson. 

Thankfully, I found a husband who enjoys scary movies as much as myself, and over the past few years has introduced me to the genre of creature (i.e. GOOEY) movies, such as Alien, The Mist, The Host, and Anaconda. A whole new world of nail-biting, hiding behind a blanket, and  squealing in Ben’s ear opened up. Great fun, especially when you have sufficient snacks and you can turn on the lights whenever you need to. Also, watching something like Househunters or Jeeves and Wooster afterwards can help. 

Recently, I found myself pondering some unexpected food for thought raised by the scary movie, The Rite. It stars the ever-wonderful Anthony Hopkins as an exorcising Jesuit priest, with a cast including Ciaran Hinds and Toby Jones. BE STILL MY CHARACTER-ACTOR-LOVING-HEART. Major sidenote: this movie is NOT for everyone. It includes disturbing scenes of possession with some graphic dialogue. Because everyone’s tolerance level is different, I can’t recommend watching The Rite, unless this sort of thing is up your alley.**

Without trying to give too much away, the events lead up to a fateful and inevitable exorcism.*** While under possession, Character 1 begins to spew all kinds of lies to distract, frighten, and immobilize Character 2. What fascinated me the most was that the lies were the very sort we tell ourselves or begin to believe when things in our lives go wrong. The demon was accusing the other characters of individual faults and weaknesses, showering them with reasons to feel guilty and unworthy. They would have been so easy to believe, because these lies were shot through with truth. And isn’t that what we also fight against, no matter where the lies about ourselves come from? 

You are not a good friend, spouse, child, parent, employee. 

Remember that time you….? 

Because you struggle with this, you will never be that.

You don’t do enough of….

You are not good enough, worthy enough, beautiful enough.

You don’t deserve good things in your life.

You can’t make a real difference. 

Suffering and pain and sickness must mean you did something wrong, or maybe God has abandoned you.

There’s a reason people don’t treat you how you want, that he or she is not in your life anymore.

People are usually impressed OR dismayed by the sheer volume. 

And the list goes on and on. Even though the possessed are (hopefully) not shouting and screaming these lies at us, we hear them all the same, from many sources. And we start to believe lies tailor-made to us, and that’s how we can start to live. In shame, in fear, in regret, in depression. Immobilized and distracted. Here’s the glorious thing, though: these lies fall apart and are expelled when we trust and follow Jesus as King of the universe and of our hearts. When we believe that the Gospel is true, that God sent His one and only Son to rescue us from our brokenness and dark places because He loves us so deeply, this is when the lies begin to break and lose their hold on us. I have been a Christian for approximately 27 years, and I still need to hold on to the Gospel every day. Otherwise, things get, well, scary. And frightening, and confusing, and dark, just like the movies. 

When we can begin to catch glimpses of how our Creator sees us, created in His image and worthy of dignity and hope and purpose, the lies we’ve built our days on will crumble. We don’t have to be afraid when we don’t feel enough—in Christ, we are more than enough. The Apostle Paul, in his letters to the Romans, describes God as “…the God who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not (Romans 4:17).” God is the God of impossible transformation, of unthinkable change, even declaring our sin null and void. We are the ones being called into life and worthiness we couldn’t even imagine. When we see ourselves as primarily those who are loved, not as those who are not enough, our freedom is immense and whole. Because of Christ’s love and work in us, lies can become truths: 

You are a worthy and loved human being, whatever titles you hold: friend, spouse, child, parent, employee. John 3:16

Remember that time you….? It has no power or hold over you anymore. It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Galatians 5:1

Even though you struggle with this, you are loved and being transformed into His image daily when you know Jesus. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

You are designed both to receive love and to give love in your life. John 15:9-12

You can make a real difference, even if it’s hard to see. You are God’s fellow worker, not the only worker. 1 Corinthians 3:7-9

Suffering and pain are going to happen in this broken world, and Jesus promised He would be with you always, even to the end of the age, even to the end of yourself. Matthew 28:20

Even when people don’t treat you how you want, or when people drift from you, Jesus will never leave you or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

Just another example of my magnificent taste. 

In The Rite, overcoming the lies of the demon was paramount for victory. And this is true for us as well—we must overcome and exorcise our pet lies. I am becoming more and more convinced that we need to understand God’s character and relationship to us before we can even begin to understand ourselves, before we can cast out the lies and the apathetic ways we see ourselves and others. We must let our own characters and lives and wills be shaped by His. As we follow after Jesus, soaking in His Word and meditating on His love and perfect delight in us, the light of His truth will illuminate all darkness. One of the most beautiful things that happens, when we accept ourselves as He accepts us, is that we will begin to see others in the same way. If I am loved as I am, wholly and unconditionally, if His love changes everything for me, it must be true for you, too! This is freedom, this is grace. This is where transformation happens! True, real, deep forgiveness can happen. Honest hospitality can happen. We can make peace with our pasts, and look forward in hope, despite our circumstances. We can start to see others with the eyes of Christ, and He will use us to offer His healing and love and welcome into the great, messy, loud, madcap, incredible family of God. And as Jesus Himself promised, the world will indeed know we are His by the love we show each other. It’s time to throw ourselves into the glorious business of knowing God, of delighting in Him because He delights in us. When we truly know Him, everything will be transformed, changed, made new. 

*My love is probably equally divided between scary movies and British TV. That, however, is another post. 

These are my library flicks right now, because OBVIOUSLY.

**Now, there are possession movies and there are possession movies. I refuse to watch The Exorcist, because even for me, there are limits. With the popularity of films like The Amityville Horror to The Conjuring, from The Omen to Insidious, Hollywood and the general public clearly have a special fascination with the supernatural. As a believer in Jesus, I hold the view that while we have to be careful with the supernatural, because things of the occult are dangerous and misleading, Jesus is King over this world and everything in it, including demons and the supernatural. We don’t have to be afraid of anything, because Jesus has defeated all this world’s evils by His death and resurrection. We each need to be aware of our limitations and boundary lines, not causing a brother or sister to stumble. I sincerely hope this post, with all its mentions of scary movies (I don’t recommend watching any of these movies, unless they are well within one’s comfort zone), does not cause anyone to stumble. (Romans 14:1-23). 

***Another sidenote: most movies or shows featuring exorcism usually drive me bonkers, because most of the priests or pastors don’t have the confidence or the faith or the call needed to handle such situations. I can only suppose this is to up the drama and suspense, however inaccurate. We recently watched the series, Midwinter of the Spirit, which showed much promise. But the vicar depended too much on her own strength and gave in to fear, instead of readying herself with prayer and humility and faith and complete reliance on God. There was always the fear and possibility that Evil would triumph over Good, and all of Christendom would fall. To which I say, well, really. DID YOU NOT READ THE BIBLE AT ALL.