Pebble and Stones: April 2017

Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.

-G.K. Chesterton, In Defense of Sanity

I love you, O Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,

my God, my rock, in whose I take refuge,

my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 18:1-2

Sounds like the perfect clickbait title, doesn’t it? Which is exactly WHY I picked it! Bwhahahaha.

Because you probably can guess what the answer is…

ANYTHING.

ANYTHING AT ALL.

That’s what I wish they would have told me.

Well, maybe that’s not fair. What one doctor told me was “Pregnancy and being a mom is really hard anyway, and fibromyalgia will complicate that.” THANKS…THAT IS REALLY HELPING ME MAKE THIS LIFE-ALTERING DECISION. When I was researching pregnancy and fibromyalgia, all I really found was that studies show that fibromyalgia will probably make the first trimester even more intense, as far as depression, aches, and fatigue go. NO, REALLY. DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING. I do know, however, that it’s not true across the board, as a relative told me that her fibro improved immensely with pregnancy.

So there you have it. My entire load of research, in one pretty unhelpful paragraph.

Now that I’m 7 months pregnant, I can understand why there’s not more information out there. Pregnancy and fibromyalgia, at least for me, have often intersected to the point where I’m not sure if symptoms are from one or the other. THE LINES ARE BLURRED, MY FRIENDS. Very blurred. And I don’t really bother talking with my OBs about it, because the symptoms are so very similar, and what can they do anyway? “Oh, doctor, I’m EXTRA EXHAUSTED AND EXTRA ACHY!” “Well, that’s pregnancy for you! Exercise when you can and eat well and sleep well!” This is not to get all down on my OB team, because I LOVE THEM. They are AMAZING. But honestly, there’s just not much they can do.

So here’s a few things that I wish someone, anyone, would have told me about fibromyalgia and pregnancy.

1) You won’t know what’s fibro and what’s pregnancy sometimes. Like I said above, they can feel OH SO VERY SIMILAR. Feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck? Everything hurts, even areas of your body you weren’t aware of before? Can’t sleep? Digestive issues? Everyone telling you look great when you feel like a gremlin? COULD BE EITHER. It’s easier to assume that it’s pregnancy, because then you can focus more easily on the AMAZING PART OF GROWING A HUMAN AND HAVING AN ADORABLE BABY AT THE END OF ALL THIS. PS. totally assuming my baby will be adorable. DUH.

2) What is recommended for fibromyalgia will sound EERILY similar to pregnancy advice. Because your doctor is RIGHT. Eat well. Pace yourself. Get enough water. Sleep and rest when you can. Exercise carefully, but definitely exercise. Ask for help. Manage priorities and let go of what’s not essential. Seek support from other people in your situation. Take a multivitamin and fish oil and magnesium and probiotics. What’s annoying is that it’s all PRETTY TRUE AND SOLID ADVICE. For pregnancy and fibromyalgia and LIFE.

3) Get the body pillow. B got me one of those U-shaped ones for Christmas and IT IS INCREDIBLE. I totally wish I had one of these BEFORE pregnancy. With all the mandatory resting I do, having the extra and total support is really nice. REALLY NICE.

4) Researching symptoms will completely stress you out, because NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT FIBROMYALGIA OR PREGNANCY. As in, lots of conflicting information and not very many studies. Sure, there are the basics, like no sushi or soft cheeses or alcohol or a lot of prescriptions, but most of your everyday decisions will be based on gut instinct and rapid texting with someone else who is pregnant or has been pregnant or someone who is your mom. And be prepared for all the opinions, both in person and online. Pregnancy and chronic illness both stir up lots of feelings and advice. This can result in lots of UNMERITED GUILT. So not unlike fibro, where you just have to stumble along and try to DO THE BEST YOU CAN, pregnancy is the same. I’m guessing actual parenting is QUITE like this, as well. Also researching baby registry items will stress you out, but that’s not really related to fibro, so NONE OF THAT HERE.

5) Realize that you are the only one who can give your baby the love they need. There will be a lot of freak-out times and insecurities about the future and taking care of your infant once they’ve arrived. Every parent-to-be goes through this, but with a chronic illness, these feelings get pretty intense. Just like you’ve managed your life and your illness (really, you have! Even when it doesn’t feel like it!), you will welcome your baby and figure it all out. I’m realizing more and more that just like in every role we have in life, being a parent means just doing what you can with what you have, and it’s going to be hard and messy and complicated and totally wonderful. Am I nervous? HECK YES. Do I already cry often? UM DUH. Am I worried about not being able to be what my child needs? DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH. There will be days I won’t be able to get down on the floor and play or where we will just watch tv and eat easy food because Mom can’t get off the couch. There will be things I might not be able to participate in, because I have to pace myself and rest. But I am going to give my child all the love and help and guidance and compassion and mercy and grace and laughter I have in me. I am going to show my daughter how to take care of herself and ask for help and realize her worth isn’t in what she does, or in her accomplishments or appearance or housekeeping or goals or bank accounts or health or social standing. I am going to teach her to love God and love others, and that these two things, well, these make for a very wonderful life no matter else what we have to face.