Pebble and Stones: January 2017

I got troubles Lord, but, not today

Cause they gonna wash away,

They're gonna wash away.

-Joe Purdy, “Washed Away”

"Come, everyone who thirsts,

come to the waters;

and he who has no money,

come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk

without money and without price.

Isaiah 55:1

“Have you had enough water?”

-Me as camp counselor

-Me as pregnant lady (to myself)

The above question is SUMMER CAMP GOLD. Middle schoolers, high schoolers, and even their college-age leaders forget to drink water. So asking about water became a quick knee-jerk response to alleged ailments of all kinds, during my 5 summer’s stint as a camp counselor and staff directer. Tired? Have some water. Headache? Did you have any water? Upset stomach? Water will fix that. Mysterious aches and pains and complaints that only come up during a week of cafeteria food and morning-till-night activity? LET US BEGIN WITH WATER AND GO FROM THERE. More often than not, the complaint went away after a few sips of good old H2o.

After my years of suggesting water to countless dehydrated students, this question is now lodged in my brain as the Captain Obvious all of health questions. Water is BASIC, and yet we all probably sometimes forget to drink up when we most need it. I am, of course, preaching to the choir, because ironically it’s only been in the past couple years that I have really embraced trying to reach that magical 8 cups a day. I know, I know, after years of pushing water on students, I now finally push it on myself. I now ask myself constantly HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH WATER, SARAH. The answer is usually no, because I am pregnant.

I now find myself constantly thirsty, constantly reaching for my jar of water, constantly slogging my way to the bathroom. YAY MOTHERHOOD. Sidetone: I am trying to enjoy each and every trip to the bathroom BY MYSELF, as I know it will be years until I can experience that privilege once again. Today I ran across Psalm 63, which begins like this:

O God, you are my God;

earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you;

my flesh faints for you,

as in a dry and weary land where there’s no water.

Psalm 63:1

Having experienced an increase in thirst these last few months, this verse stopped me in my tracks. Having read/heard/sung this verse about a billion times in my 3 decades of life, I started to read it in a rote, matter-of-fact, boring tone, as is so easy to do with familiar passages of Scripture. But now that I’m thirsty ALWAYS, I thought about the very real and visceral image of being so thirsty for God’s presence that it feels like a desert without Him. I tried to remember the times in my life when I’ve been this physically thirsty. Of course all I can really remember is the recent months of pregnancy, because PREGNANCY. And hormones. And pregnancy brain. Thirst is a real and powerful motivator, and it’s one of the most basic human needs. Even food comes after water in the list of our physical needs, WHICH IS WERID. Because FOOD.

I’m realizing more and more that God’s presence and help and love are my most basic needs. At the beginning of Psalm 63, it says “A Psalm of David, when He was in the Wilderness of Judah.” It makes total sense to me that David could have only written such a prayer in the middle of a wilderness, and that his physical surroundings mirrored his internal struggles and desires and fears. We all find ourselves in the wilderness of our lives, of our days. And yes, more often than not, my soul is thirsty. My flesh faints. And it feels like a dry and weary and waterless land. The wilderness of soul is a familiar place. The untamed lonely spaces of thirst and deserts of all kinds close in and hem me in. And I need water. I need Living Water, the kind that Jesus offers to the woman at the well in John 4. And this is not a 5 year plan or a far-off hope: this is a real and Captain Obvious kind of need. David is pretty clear that the antidote to his bone-deep thirst is God Himself. He seeks after Him like a man lost in a desperate desert, searching for an oasis.

David goes on to say that he has looked upon God in the sanctuary, beholding His power and glory, realizing His love is better than life itself. And he chooses, in the middle of the wilderness, to praise God as long as he lives. This is a glorious sneak peek into what a life of seeking after God looks like. In the middle of our own wildernesses and desert places, let us seek God in sanctuary like thirsty people searching for water. God never leaves His seekers thirsty, although He always leaves us in places where we will still search for Him. This is one of the mysterious truths of desert places. It is only in the wilderness that we will even realize our most basic need for water, that we will even seek sanctuary, that we will even choose to bless Him, our Help.

This year, at the beginning of 2017, as I look forward to a year of intense joy bringing a baby into the world, it might seem strange to be talking about wilderness and water. But as we all know by now, the other side of joy is sorrow. There are never perfect conditions for having a baby or raising a child, and I only have the slightest glimmer of how much help and hope I will need for being a mother. But because I know I am thirsty, and I know that God can be found and known, I will continue to ask myself if I’ve had enough water, and I will continue to seek Him.