When Going Gluten Free isn’t Enough; Or, The Joys and Thrills of Pregnancy

“‘Ron, why don’t some people like breakfast food?’

‘Because people are idiots, Leslie.’” 

-Parks and Rec

People GET gluten free these days. At least here in the Pacific Northwest. And it’s great! It’s taken years and years, but finally the heads of loved ones and restaurants don’t spin in confusion and a deep personal sadness when you have to decline Great Aunt Phyllis’ famous chocolate cake or ask for a bun-less hamburger. Whew. GLUTEN FREE PEOPLE ARE FINALLY BEGINNING TO BE ACCEPTED, EVEN IF WE ARE NOT UNDERSTOOD. I call that a win. 

I have dabbled in gluten free living over the past 6 years, from straight-up elimination dieting to choosing the steadily-more-palatable-but-still-not-exactly-nutritious-processed gluten free items because I know I SHOULD. Last summer, my acupuncturist and a horrible gut and body ache after part of a breakfast burrito convinced me to give gluten a MISS until further notice. I don’t have celiac, but I do feel much better about life in general when I don’t eat gluten, leading me to strongly suspect that I have a non-celiac gluten sensitivity. I’m sure it’s snuck in here and there, but for the most part I’ve been pretty good at avoiding it. I did sneak a couple bites of B’s crisp bean burrito from Taco Time because those things are LIFE and I am pregnant and achy everywhere ANYWAY. 

Speaking of PREGNANCY, I have had to give up other things than just gluten. And I’m not even talking about the typical alcohol, soft cheeses, processed lunch meats, etc. I mean, whatever. I am looking FORWARD SO MUCH to a cold deli sandwich once the Gummy Bear arrives. Like, I can’t even say. But I’m talking about things that no pregnant woman should even have to think about giving up. LIKE…SUGAR. 

I love SUGAR. 

IN ALL FORMS. 

I love cake, pie, cookies, doughnuts, brownies, blondies, candy. I love baking cake, pie, cookies, doughnuts, brownies, blondies. Haven’t really delved into candy, because that stuff is FINICKY. Also I need a candy thermometer. I also love all the sugar in condiments (you know ketchup is MOSTLY sugary tomato paste, right?) and on top of cereals (oatmeal without brown sugar? Cheerios without white sugar?) and in granola bars and in fancy coffee drinks. Even more than gluten, sugar in SOME SWEET FORM OF GOODNESS is in everything. Of course, I’ve been using more “natural” sugars the past few years, like honey, maple syrup, and coconut sugar. Because did I mention elimination diets? And I read too much online? I have worked with dates for sweetness before, and can I just say, my IBS did NOT appreciate those particular efforts. 

Anyway, GUESS WHAT. Natural sugars? STILL SUGARS. Well, crap. 

All this to say, I KNOW I feel better with less sugar in my life. My skin clears up, my lingering nasal congestion gets easier, all other foods start to taste better. So when faced with a couple of non-urgent but annoying health conundrums during pregnancy, I knew it was TIME. Time to give up my favorite pastime. My favorite way to TREAT MY SELF. 

For those of you who worry about the Gummy Bear*, I haven’t given up ALL sugar—still eating fruits and carbs and even the granola bars I keep in my purse for emergencies. I have to keep from going completely insane during pregnancy, and she needs a wide range of foods. I have also discovered sugar-free, dairy-free ice cream (oh yes, still don’t do straight-up milk or ice cream) and Stevia-sweetened root beer for those times when I ABSOLUTELY NEED SOMETHING SWEET OR I WILL GO POSTAL. 

It’s now been about 5 weeks, and that first week was NOT COOL. But I am a survivor, my friends. It hasn’t stopped me from gazing longingly and lovingly at the bag of Reese’s Pieces a fellow mom-to-be was eating during one of our birthing classes, or at the gf chocolate cereal waiting patiently in my pantry. My doctor did say that chocolate was still ok to eat and so I got some very dark chocolate (even though I really just want milk chocolate, if I’m honest) with a low sugar content, and I don’t even eat the full serving size, but that has helped with my brain a little, for which we’re ALL VERY THANKFUL. 

So that’s how pregnancy is going. Although this doesn’t even begin to cover other glorious topics like acid reflux (IT’S A SERIOUS TOPIC, COMRADES), needing the bathroom at all times, shortness of breath, trying to remember if I took my prenatal, dropping and bumping into everything, and wondering if moving from my couch is even THAT necessary. Of course the most glorious thing of all is feeling the Gummy Bear kick and move, and this is me actually not even being sarcastic. Feeling her move and squirm makes all these other things so worth it, from the diet changes to the acid reflux to the lack of sleep to the extra aches and pains. Like I seriously forget how uncomfortable I am when she starts doing the Gifford Baby Rhumba and I smile like an idiot. Yesterday, we felt her head about to poke out of my belly like the creature in Alien and B and I both lost it. In the best way, of course. 

So while we dream about chocolate peanut butter pie and coconut mochas, pass the Stevia and the fish oil and the cucumber slices for me and the Gummy Bear. Although not all together-that would just be gross. 

*Goodness me-I just realized our nickname for our baby is essentially SUGAR. I told you sugar is everywhere. 

There is a baby in there, I promise. Also, that's the beautiful cradle my grandpa made!

The remnants of my sugar-free AND delicious breakfast. 

How many water containers does a pregnant woman need? DON'T ASK.

Have You Had Enough Water?

I got troubles Lord, but, not today

Cause they gonna wash away,

They're gonna wash away.

-Joe Purdy, “Washed Away”

"Come, everyone who thirsts, 

come to the waters; 

and he who has no money, 

come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk

without money and without price.

Isaiah 55:1

“Have you had enough water?” 

-Me as camp counselor

-Me as pregnant lady (to myself)

The above question is SUMMER CAMP GOLD. Middle schoolers, high schoolers, and even their college-age leaders forget to drink water. So asking about water became a quick knee-jerk response to alleged ailments of all kinds, during my 5 summer’s stint as a camp counselor and staff directer. Tired? Have some water. Headache? Did you have any water? Upset stomach? Water will fix that. Mysterious aches and pains and complaints that only come up during a week of cafeteria food and morning-till-night activity? LET US BEGIN WITH WATER AND GO FROM THERE. More often than not, the complaint went away after a few sips of good old H2o. 

After my years of suggesting water to countless dehydrated students, this question is now lodged in my brain as the Captain Obvious all of health questions. Water is BASIC, and yet we all probably sometimes forget to drink up when we most need it. I am, of course, preaching to the choir, because ironically it’s only been in the past couple years that I have really embraced trying to reach that magical 8 cups a day. I know, I know, after years of pushing water on students, I now finally push it on myself. I now ask myself constantly HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH WATER, SARAH. The answer is usually no, because I am pregnant. 

I now find myself constantly thirsty, constantly reaching for my jar of water, constantly slogging my way to the bathroom. YAY MOTHERHOOD. Sidetone: I am trying to enjoy each and every trip to the bathroom BY MYSELF, as I know it will be years until I can experience that privilege once again. Today I ran across Psalm 63, which begins like this: 

O God, you are my God; 

earnestly I seek you; 

my soul thirsts for you; 

my flesh faints for you, 

as in a dry and weary land where there’s no water. 

Psalm 63:1 

Having experienced an increase in thirst these last few months, this verse stopped me in my tracks. Having read/heard/sung this verse about a billion times in my 3 decades of life, I started to read it in a rote, matter-of-fact, boring tone, as is so easy to do with familiar passages of Scripture. But now that I’m thirsty ALWAYS, I thought about the very real and visceral image of being so thirsty for God’s presence that it feels like a desert without Him. I tried to remember the times in my life when I’ve been this physically thirsty. Of course all I can really remember is the recent months of pregnancy, because PREGNANCY. And hormones. And pregnancy brain. Thirst is a real and powerful motivator, and it’s one of the most basic human needs. Even food comes after water in the list of our physical needs, WHICH IS WERID. Because FOOD. 

I’m realizing more and more that God’s presence and help and love are my most basic needs. At the beginning of Psalm 63, it says “A Psalm of David, when He was in the Wilderness of Judah.” It makes total sense to me that David could have only written such a prayer in the middle of a wilderness, and that his physical surroundings mirrored his internal struggles and desires and fears. We all find ourselves in the wilderness of our lives, of our days. And yes, more often than not, my soul is thirsty. My flesh faints. And it feels like a dry and weary and waterless land. The wilderness of soul is a familiar place. The untamed lonely spaces of thirst and deserts of all kinds close in and hem me in. And I need water. I need Living Water, the kind that Jesus offers to the woman at the well in John 4. And this is not a 5 year plan or a far-off hope: this is a real and Captain Obvious kind of need. David is pretty clear that the antidote to his bone-deep thirst is God Himself. He seeks after Him like a man lost in a desperate desert, searching for an oasis. 

David goes on to say that he has looked upon God in the sanctuary, beholding His power and glory, realizing His love is better than life itself. And he chooses, in the middle of the wilderness, to praise God as long as he lives. This is a glorious sneak peek into what a life of seeking after God looks like. In the middle of our own wildernesses and desert places, let us seek God in sanctuary like thirsty people searching for water. God never leaves His seekers thirsty, although He always leaves us in places where we will still search for Him. This is one of the mysterious truths of desert places. It is only in the wilderness that we will even realize our most basic need for water, that we will even seek sanctuary, that we will even choose to bless Him, our Help. 

This year, at the beginning of 2017, as I look forward to a year of intense joy bringing a baby into the world, it might seem strange to be talking about wilderness and water. But as we all know by now, the other side of joy is sorrow. There are never perfect conditions for having a baby or raising a child, and I only have the slightest glimmer of how much help and hope I will need for being a mother. But because I know I am thirsty, and I know that God can be found and known, I will continue to ask myself if I’ve had enough water, and I will continue to seek Him. 

This is me after 8 weeks of summer camp. Notice I am not following my own advice about water. 

There's water in coffee, right?

ELECTRIC TEA KETTLE. GAME CHANGER. 

Not kidding about the jar of water, people.