The Joy of Not Being Surprised

"I don’t know, Nick! I’m not…Wonder Woman.”

-Bernard, Blackbooks

A cheerful heart is good medicine,

    but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

-Proverbs 17:22

I have a new tool in my Life Toolbox. It’s amazing. I’m not even sure where it came from, but it’s changing the way I see myself, my days, and my circumstances. 

You see, with fibromyalgia (or whatever THIS is), most mornings involve not moving for a while because of mysterious aches and pains. So I have some time to stare at the ceiling while it seems the REST OF THE WORLD goes on with its business. As you may imagine, my thoughts and ponderings in this time can get a bit WEIGHTY. A bit HEAVY. 

It’s pretty much proven that what we think affects us physically, although I cheerfully have no sources to cite for you (this isn’t college! This isn’t even in MLA format). The books and blogs and research I’ve read on chronic pain all deal with changing how we think, in addition to medication, exercise, healthy diet, finding the right doctors, reducing stress, etc. While we may not be able to have much control over our pain, we do get to choose how we think about it. There are some days I’m able to accept my pain and move on; there are other days where it’s all I can think about because it’s so DANG PRESENT. 

Ah yes, the TOOL. 

Here it is: 

This is not unexpected. 

Here we go AGAIN, Summer Flowers.
I will try not to kill you as quickly as previous summers,
but IT WILL NOT BE UNEXPECTED.

Now I realize that this phrase is subtle and quiet in demeanor, making it easy to overlook or dismiss, or maybe it sounds more like a bad line in an action movie when the good guy pops out of nowhere after the bad guy ordered his henchmen to “take care of him.” But! I’ve noticed that when I think this in the morning instead of the usual “Oh my gosh…this is so hard…I can’t move…why me… when will this end…what did I do yesterday to make this happen…when will this end?”, it makes a huge difference. You see, while it still doesn’t give me any false delusions of control (over chronic pain?! bwhahaha), it gives me some much needed perspective. You would think that struggling with chronic pain for years would help me in accepting my usual morning fate, but NOT REALLY. Deep down, I know I’m the Wonder Woman of the Greater Belllingham Area. However, not being surprised by my morning pain gives me a chance to still move forward. Thinking This is not unexpected stops the Splash Mountain plunge of self-crushing thoughts. It gives me the freedom to plan the next step in the day. I get to think “Oh! Right! I’ve done this before. I can do it again today.” I move on to think what I can do when I can get up. 

Ironically, another thing this tool does is give me permission to not expect a horrible morning, either. There is a very fine balance with chronic pain: you don’t want to be surprised by it, but you don’t want to make it worse by assuming it will be terrible. Because, as we know, thinking negatively makes pain worse. It makes everything worse, really. This tool of not being surprised by the difficult things helps me to be realistic, as opposed to needing to be rigidly optimistic all the time OR needing to be pessimistic to acknowledge the pain itself. There’s no need to have a stiff upper lip when you know your limitations and can work around them, just like there’s no need to give in to your limitations all the time. 

See how brilliant this is? I am so excited about this, I can’t EVEN. 

My jolly balcony, wherein I survey my domain.
But mostly read and drink iced drinks.

Because this tool can applied to other areas of life, too! Let’s take, oh, PEOPLE. People, all of them, bless their hearts, are going to let us down. They can’t help it. None of us can. And when we’re not as easily surprised by this, it makes it so much easier. When we can identify foibles and quirks and tendencies, we are free to let others off the hook. We are free to offer grace, mercy. We are free to have a hospitable heart and mind towards others. Thinking this is not unexpected can stem some of the inevitable annoyances and frustrations that comes with being a human with other humans. I am sure you are beginning to see the sheer GENIUS of this humble sentence. 

It also helps with needing to cancel or reschedule plans, as is always the case with chronic pain. It’s not unexpected to need to take a few days off from activities after a busy weekend. Having THE TOOL handy helps me not go insane when I look around the house at my waiting chores: a pile of laundry waiting to be folded, a sink full of dirty dishes, or realizing that because I haven’t wiped up the hair on the bathroom floor in 2.345 hours, it’s taken over that whole side of the house. I’m not a terrible person for not having my house look like something out of an HGTV show, because it’s not unexpected (regardless of if I have chronic pain or not!). Naming and recognizing my individual limitations helps me extend grace to myself, which is hard for this recovering perfectionist. 

Although I balk at the Words on Walls Trend,
I couldn't help myself with this one. 

When we can say This is not unexpected, we can even allow room for God to come through for us. The Apostle Peter says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exult you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:6-7).” Peter is not joking when he links casting our anxieties to humbling ourselves—he knows exactly what he’s saying here. It’s a real blow to our pride to admit, let alone embrace, that we can’t handle our anxieties and cares and worries alone. I’m realizing that it’s taking my whole dang life to keep giving my worries to Him. But because He cares for me, I can. The Creator of the universe, of the heavens and the earth and everything in them, cares for me! And nothing in my life is unexpected to Him—He is not surprised when I take back my worries, when I can’t move in the mornings, when troubles hit me upside the head. Even though I can’t explain why He allows pain in our lives, I know He is present in the very middle of it. And I have found that He is indeed enough, time and time again.

And so I hope this little phrase can be of some use to you, too. When pain hits you, when trouble mounts, when things are not going how you want them. It also helps in the little things. You know, when my flowers start to wilt 2 days after planting or I get an unexpected bill in the mail. Or when I open the fridge to look for some produce to supplement my carb-based, fat-based diet and it is no longer viable as a edible option. Not that THAT has ever happened, I mean. 

What are some tools in your Life Toolbox? What helps you get to the Next Thing in your day? I’d love to hear about them!